Tuesday, December 28, 2004

sorry for mia-ing for so long. What A Week.

for the girl who has everything? give her more clothes. :))

thank you everyone for the gifts. i especially liked the cheque in the angbao. how very realistic.

a party to cap all parties. from now onwards, quiet dinner with loved ones. no more running around fabulous food without eating; no more flitting from table to table to make sure everyone is okay; no more killer shoes; no more thank-you-for-coming speeches; no more irritating house djs; no more presents. okay, so maybe i'll have one more on my 21st?

went club-hopping after that.
chinablack. human jam.
rouge. hell boring.
mohammad sultan. cheeky monks. lesbian club.
newsroom bar. two slimeballs tried pole dancing with us.
(i won't even dance with you within a five foot pole please?)
newton. yummy food.

2004 is dwindling quite splendidly.

this christmas. quiet, merry, but unexpectedly beautiful.

eve:
you
without a paddle
mad shopping
wonderful xmas party
fabulous, very-successful secret santa

day:
ravelling in the glory of gifts
family love :))
church. buffet.
missing your scent.

today:
hoping next week never comes.

i think its 5:01 PM now

Monday, December 27, 2004

if i can't end 2005 with you, then i don't wanna start it with you.

i think its 11:03 PM now

one onion
two tomatoe
three thirsty crushes
four fried fat fishes
five famous flamestars
six sizzling sausages

i think its 7:19 PM now

Saturday, December 25, 2004

I am the flower you are the seed
We walked in the garden
we planted a tree
Don't try to find me,
please don't you dare
Just live in my memory,
you'll always be there

i think its 1:17 AM now

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

tomorrow, i'll have a jillion heart attacks that will be enough to last me my entire lifetime.

my father and my godmother's not gonna be there. BOOHOOHOO. but she said to open her present; apparently, its very important. i swear i won't cry. :((

Crave would be for people who need serious inflations to their under-sized, under-fed self-esteem that are in desperate need for a little stroking.

tomorrow, then.

i think its 1:14 AM now

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

i must confess, i'm a mess over you.

i think its 4:23 PM now

Monday, December 20, 2004

i'm excited like, a million M & M's.

as usual, my mother is playing tricks again. she adamantly, yes as in childish-adamantly senile-80-year-old-adamantly, refuses to tell me what cake she ordered for me. i just hope it isin't a photo of me doing something dumb or some bikini thing that will really just embarass me in front of everybody.

i've lost count on the times i've given people directions to the club. hippo still had the cheek to ask, "this wed ah?" arghhh i'm gonna kill you!

2 more days. 2 more days and all the planning, all the anticipation, all that build-up, all the giving of invites, all the demanding and uncertainty and calling a million people and preparing and prepping and questioning the DJ will end.

i'm one day before one party that ends it all.

i'm gonna be a legal bitch.

i think its 10:13 PM now

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Why do I put you
through such misery
when I love you
so much
Why do I act so moody
with you
when I love you
so much
I want you to understand that
my moods are
not aimed at you
They are usually due
to something that happened
during the day
but when I see you
I seem to withdraw into
a quiet madness
I am not taking out my frustrations on you
I am just letting my frustrations out
in front of you
because I feel
so comfortable and real with you
In fact
I am able to solve and understand
my problems in this way
I am very sorry
for causing you confusion and
for making you upset
Thank you for trying
to understand these moods
and for letting me feel
so natural with you
You are so important to me
I never want to hurt you
I only want to love you

i digged that out from my history folder, and with a laboured heave, deleted its entire contents.

i think its 11:56 PM now

one email. one email changes everything i've tried so hard to run away from in the past year. one email. that's all it takes.

there's always one person that will always have your heart.

struck a chord. ten chords.

i think its 11:03 PM now

fuck. i'm such a bigot. -slaps hand on forehead in a dramatic fashion. today right, my grandmother went to osim to buy that 6000 massage chair, which, in my careful opinion, is way over-rated. anyway, there was this NASA (yes, dig that, NASA) pillow that was really, really, really, soft and oh god, really kind to the head. i didn't know how much it cost. i swear i didn't. and you know what headaches my feather pillow has been giving me. yes, literally, mammoth headaches. every morning, a trail of feathers can be found along the upper end of my bed. so when the mother paid for it at the counter, she handed the bag over to me and said, "Merry Christmas!" it's $297 and i shall go jump off the pier.

CLOTHES, kim. CLOTHES. ALWAYS CHOOSE CLOTHES. who's gonna see you sleep on a pillow?

what a sneak.

i think its 7:31 PM now

generally, people do the three Fs: Fucking around, Fucking up, and Fucking off.

you can never do the first, you did the second, so kindly do the third.

thankyouverymuch.

i think its 1:47 AM now

until the day the ocean doesn't reach the sand..

until the day the ocean doesn't reach the sand.

i think its 1:00 AM now

Friday, December 17, 2004

i miss you ****** **** come back. take all my pain away like you used to. tell me i'm still your favourite girl. tell me you won't go away again. tell me we've wasted too much time on everyone else; we belong together and you know it.

tell me i'm the most important person in the world to you, in that child-like manner when you scrounge up your eyes and crinkle your eyebrow.

tell me that shortarse isin't worth it.

i think its 11:40 PM now

Thursday, December 16, 2004

if i were omnipotent, i would stop the freaking clock. its like the whole world drops dead when i'm with you, and fast forwarded like, 10 hours.

maybe i'm too caught up and preoccupied with the looming, ever-present date. you might think it doesn't matter to me, but i know it will change everything between us. i'm not in the least excited over my party. maybe i am, maybe i'm just tired after preparing 350 songs for the DJ, who, might or might not play those songs. but i better make sure he plays Our Song.

the most beautiful girl on this planet.

no one speaks that way anymore.

ocean's 12 today. 3/5 fishcorns. i love celebrties uncensored! watching britney dig her nose as if she might find sex in there. seeing paris pose like a dried-up peacock.

i've lost the will to shop. i've lost the will to do anything remotely close to spending money. my pocket is like a water faucet. i really like paying through mastercard and then signing. it makes me feel really, really, really adult. which is pretty much all i can say about myself these days.

i really like days like this. talking until 4am. waking up meeting you and the others slacking our life away in town going home playing christmas jingles drinking hot cider, sometimes hot milo, and then do the whole phone thing again.

i have decided that i'm decisively lazy.

i think its 11:13 PM now

its CHRISTMAS SEASON BABY! have i mentioned how much i love christmas? no, its not because of That Day, but because of, for obvious reasons, a)the songs b)the decorations c)the birth of "Christmukkah" by Seth Cohen d)the aroma of prsents e)the fabulous food.

new layout. yayy i like :)))

i think its 1:31 AM now

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

i am crazy over abercombie. their t-shirts are so nice! there is one that says "Trust me. I'm a Doctor". i'm so buying it.

anyway. the modelling thing turned out to be not so shady after all. go for grooming classes every sunday for 6 weeks. as if i need any grooming already. haha i'm so groomed and tamed. ask me to sit i will sit. ask me to fetch i will fetch. i'm a bitch! after that would be freelance. sucha waste of my precious sunday time. but if i'm gonna be in mags.. HELL YEAH!

anyway.. go download That Girl by Mcfly!! GO GO GO

prepared my xmas stockings already! its a pretty big, red and rather wolly one. hope i will find keys inside. to a BMW, obviously.

i think its 1:17 PM now

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

it is when you are jealous, are you your most pathetic.

i think its 10:33 PM now

i wish you hadn't broke my heart. missin you babe'

i remember not looking back when i ran towards the bus today.. away from you. No, i didn't look back.

how many times do you try before you finally realise it ain't gonna work no more?

i think sometimes we run away. we hide from the pain. and when we finally succumb to it, we're able to start loving each other. i wonder where that begins. where all that pretense and gaming ends; and where tonight's stars will determine our tomorrow.

sometimes you just wanna give up.

someone once asked me: Would i rather be with someone who loves me the most but not the one i love the most, Or would i rather be with someone whom i love the most but doesnt love me the most?

the first would be painful. but the second, it would kill.

i guess you know the answer by now.

why can't both of them be the same fucking person

i think its 9:04 PM now

Monday, December 13, 2004

when everyone else gets cramps and the usual PMS, i get highly explosive headaches.

STAY AWAY, really.

well, except for you. and maybe my vanessahh! you look damn hot. FROM BEHIND. haha

anyway today, me and vanessa, we were approached by this part-time model scout for some part-time modelling shit. so we're going down to taka tml for the interview and some photoshoot, i think? what crap. you should see the way i shake my fanny :D

so. went to meet the dj today. uber hip but rather lumpy, in a fatherly kind of way, guy. asked me to list all the songs that i want him to play. then he'll mix abit. wasn't really excited about the party but now i am!! i just wanted to have a quiet dinner this year, remember? (yeah, right)

and santa please give me YOU in a pink bowtie this year okay? :)

i think its 10:28 PM now

Sunday, December 12, 2004

i adore lazy sunday afternoons such as this.

staying in bed until the late morning, throwing open my windows and having the thick aroma of curry from the neighbour waft its way up and assualt my nose. the house would be blasting with 1970s chinese songs played from a beat-up stereo and i would plug in my earphones and sweat it out with cindy crawford for an hour or so. not eating breakfast, just 20ml of the very bitter health stuff my mother makes me drink. and i would have a leisurely bath [bubbled] and read the day's newspapers, and then i will wait for a couple of tens of minutes before we would go to siglap to buy turkey and cranberry sauce and eat a lite low-fat lunch and buy the rest of the week's groceries and then some more for a southwestern dinner tonight when max and co comes over to watch cable.

LOVES IT.

i think its 4:49 PM now

ai wo de ren wei wo fu chu yi qie
wo que wei wo ai de ren
liu lei kuang luan
xin sui

i think its 1:15 AM now

Saturday, December 11, 2004

ARGHHHHH i don't know why i bother so much. FREAKING PISSED YOU DRIVE ME SEEDS ARGHHH

i think its 1:50 AM now

Thursday, December 09, 2004

i bought a good book. which leaves me in a happy mood.

ahhhh. miss miss zoo people. hugsy hippo's in peking. hurry hurry come back! went shopping today. good yield i'd reckon. i need more clothes. i'm going out too often. i like hot dogs. i like my monkey. his name is paul frank.

i think its 10:51 PM now

i remember tossing and turning, plumping up my pillow for the hundredth time before i fell asleep missing you so much, my stomach felt funny. hurry come back to sunny singapore?

i want to dig that whole christmas thing. the turkey. the honey hickery ham. the pudding. maybe i'll even do the eggnog. butbut christmas is no christmas without... PRESENTS!!! -jumps up and down. PLEASE get the hints, mom.

Juicy Couture - for nice girls who like nice stuffs. haha freaking crap!

anyway..we bought the couple's book. fucken funny lah. hahaha but its tacky. way too tacky for me. yew i can never imagine myself doing smth like that in a million years. for gods sakes. a COUPLE'S BOOK?? you're supposed to draw out your partner's naked body like how you'd imagine it. you're supposed to tick how many times you say 'i love you's to each other. GAWD. save me. one year ago? if someone were to even linger on the fringes of suggesting it? i would have baulked at the idea. now. not so... but still. drawing out your partner's happy mood chart!?

i'd rather watch paint dry.

i think its 9:35 PM now

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

des-sss-perado, why don't you come to your senses?

christmas with the kranks today. before you watch it, let me warn you. DONT WATCH IT.

you're out kissing randoms. brilliant. you know what, hon? go ahead. you're a manwhore anyway. =)

i don't know how this is happening again. its not worth it its not worth it its not worth it. can i say more?

i can tell myself a million times that i'll try, i'll try my very best, but i've long given up; i want chocolates right this instant.

i don't know why serendipity made me cry. i don't know why i find a certain stranger so alluring. i don't know why i'm not the least bit excited about going to bangkok this thursday. i don't know why i bummed a FUCKEN AUSTRALIA TRIP FOR YOU.

i think its 1:48 PM now

Saturday, December 04, 2004

chinablack has made me realized i'm not so into clubbing anymore. and that i really reallly like Kevin Lyttle's Turn Me On.

i'm sick and i hate it. when this is over and done, when my fever is down and out, i'm gonna go cold storage and buy many many bags of chips. and mexican salsa. and cans of coke. and hang out with Ben. and Jerry. Maybe Mr Dazs. gawd. okay. give it a day. i'll be less cantankerous.

sometimes i think you talk just to make sounds.

conveniently attractive huh. it has nothing to do with me. it's about you. it's always about you. what you need and what you want. it seems like you only want me when you can't have me. you like the chase and that's all. you know what? you can have it.

i think its 11:56 PM now

i ain't happy, baby.

i think its 11:54 PM now

you never knew me, don't know me, and won't ever know me.

if you love me, please start acting like you do, okay?

two wrongs don't make one right.

i hate people taking me for granted. you know what? one day, i'll fly so high not even a ladder with your short arse would bring me down back to you.

i would regret for everyday for the rest of my life why i chose to walk away. to some unbelievably selfish PIG

you would think one would be mildly ashamed after something like what you've done? i think you just went a little bigger above your neck.

i think its 1:05 AM now