Wednesday, March 31, 2004
someone said smth which practically knocked my socks off.
totally. out of the blue. in the middle of the sea. right smack in manhatten.
oh boy. i need a Shirley Temple now to clear my head. bourbon. wotever. pass me the ale!!!
there's so much things i wanna tell you. but i cant put it into a simple sentence to tell you how much you've started to mean to me. how much your presence affects my very soul.
and how much your stupid, silly antics, though outrageously lame as they were, never failed to brighten up my day.
i keep reassuring myself that one day, just one day, it'll hit me and i'll figure it all out. maybe then i'll know why i'm feeling the way i feel. why i'm acting the way i act. or why i just have no idea how i feel. maybe, maybe, just maybe, part of me holds back, terrified by what i'd find there.
i do not want to make that same mistake again.
i think my 'i dont know's must have piqued you more than i ever mean to.
im sorry. its not that i dont know. i dont have the courage and culpability to open up to you, knowing you'd take me as i am.
like a rock, you waited so patiently
while i got it together
while i figured it out
you know wot? you're the sweetest. really. cross my heart and *kiss my elbows.
it was like an insipid fairytale, samson and delilah. one had long, flowy tresses, the other had short, brown hair. one cried easily at sad, sweet films, the other, always ready with a pack of Kleenex, a shoulder, and a loving heart.
they were the moon and stars, they together epitome of perfection in this silly game we play. one raved about the finer things in life, the other, about her music. laughter was free, free, free. one pressed band aids over her blistered feet, the other pressed healing hands over hurting hearts.
one tread her porcelain heart to duste, the other ate up all their fears.
i think its 10:05 PM now
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
where are you and im so sorry
i cannot sleep, i cannot dream tonight
i need somebody and always
this sick strange darkness
comes creeping on so haunting every time
and as i stared i counted
webs from all the spiders
catching things and eating their insides
like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
will you come home and stop this pain tonight
stop this pain tonight
don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head
i think its 11:17 PM now
Friday, March 26, 2004
i could tell you many times
i could give you a million hints
but you'll never get what i mean.
like a spider scrupulously weaving its intricate web in the merciless winds, i thread barefooted in this dangerous game you and i play.
i love FUSION DIM SUM !! yummm.
i think its 11:17 PM now
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
dont make me fall for you when you know you're never gonna catch me fall.
//watching you watch over me.
i think its 10:33 PM now
//watching you watch over me.
i think its 10:31 PM now
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
something about being able to play the guitar and write good lyrics just makes me wanna snuggle up in bed with that someone.. i think its 11:34 PM now
i think its 10:16 PM now
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
should i smile, because we're friends..
or cry, because that's what we'll ever be?
i think its 3:00 PM now
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
i got accused of dirty dancing with someone i wouldnt get within a ten foot pole.
went chinablack last night ! cool as ever. my second fav place. monks is still DA BEST. they played r n b and remixes all night, just perfect to groove to. dancing for almost 3 hours straight is sucha fabulous exercise ! you know you're tired but you're just too lazy to get your butt off the dancefloor to the bar. came home with a smokey smell in my hair and i was so tired that i went into the shower, turn on the facet and just stood there for 30 mins. slept like a baby with a smile on my face! :))
i've gotta start begging soon. because the cab fare from club to home is just wayy to expensive.
my flight's SQ 2 leavin at 7pm on wed, which is technically, TOMORROW !!
gawd. i havent really felt anything until now. shopping heaven. eating palace. hmm. might be my last trip until the end of the year !
laters. the rain's getting on my nerves.
i think its 3:12 PM now
Sunday, March 14, 2004
dont talk to me like you know me.
okay, i've been to town 7 times this week. 7 times baby, 7 times! surprisingly enough, im not getting sick of it. no, not yet.
caught Runaway Jury with some of the panties on Friday. was darn funny! no, not the movie. but us! moony and i spent the entire time analysing the plot, because the movie, though good as it was, was just a huge tangled heap of overwrought web. ting and van [though she STILL vehemently disagrees] were highly misplaced during the film. HA. feel-good movie, it is. though i wouldnt recommend it to one who's had a very tired day, and would just love to accept thrash the way it comes, not dissecting and scrutinizing it. being the movie buff that i am, the quarrelsome and demanding part of me totally dig that show.
went NUS on sat. totally useless i've come to find. but i'm not closing all doors though. i've thought it thru and thru, and much as i HATE to admit, i cannot live abroad alone. BY MYSELF. totally, virtually impossible. i'd sob my heart out. so i've talked with mom, and she whole-heartedly agrees with me, that i'd be having really smelly and un-ironed clothes, should i go US or wherever to study. not much of the whole independence-boost thing, but it couldnt be more true. unless, UNLESS, Rach goes with me. then the mothers would migrate there together. so i think i'd most likely be doing post-graduate overseas. wotever. i'll just take it as it comes. kinda mind-spinning to be thinking i'd land up in sunny california or balmy aussie in a year's time.
sometimes i wish i could just leave everything behind, runaway to Scotland or Paris or Milan, to do History of Art.
but then it wouldn't be smashin', would it.
it wouldnt be wot you want.
moony suggested to work at a mesuem as a curator.. HA. i'd die a lonely spinster with all my art pieces. you know, thats wot i've always wanted. not the alone and dying part, but something along the lines of ART. Literature. Renaissance Art. a dream would always remain a dream, wont it?
so after NUS, went town.. we were walking at Wheeeelock top floor when we saw this high tech beauty thingy so mom and i went in to get a facial! end up buying 500 plus worth of beauty products. so ai mei. :|
so here i am. went town with family today.. came home. sat around with mom and max, pigging out on potatoe chips, ice cream and coke. GEES. eating with 2 very skinny people is so fun..NOT.
i think its 11:00 PM now
Friday, March 12, 2004
everytime i try to fly
i fall without my wings
i feel so small
i guess i need you baby.
i think its 11:38 PM now
OMG. van and them said. maid commented. neighbour alarmed. cedric and victor.
wth.
why is a mocha smell wafering from my bathroom ?
// i'll be be yours forever but can we keep us together?
i think its 12:17 AM now
Thursday, March 11, 2004
the longer the rain lasts, the more i think i might be very well accustomed to this pile of garbage that is - my life. okay, to many people, i might lead the perfect life. this incesstant bitching is just no sense. like someone said before, the perception of life lends a great hand to the beauty of life. boils down to : my attitude. i cant stand the fact that my parents slog their life away, returning late at nights, or just not returning at all, just to earn good money for me to spend on taxis, Green tea frappacinos, movie tickets, great food, more shoes, more clothes. and here i am, spending three quaters of my life away from home. meanwhile, my mom eats wholemeal bread for lunch. [putting aside the fact that she's on a diet]. its just the sheer amount of sh*t i have to deal with thats taking its toll on me. which is why i'm glad for the fact that i'm going away next thursday.
its amazing how some people can give me the inspiration to carry on.
it took THAT much of me to complete a gp compre. :|
i think its 10:53 PM now
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
ai jiu ai there's no why . i think its 9:26 PM now
all rolled into one!
i'm a bitch, i'm a lover
i'm a child, i'm a mother
i'm a sinner, i'm a saint
i do not feel ashamed
i'm your hell, I'm your dream
i'm nothing in between
i think its 3:03 AM now
aqueiz, he must be getting used to the late nights too.
i think its 2:33 AM now
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
unspoken words. insinuating comments. sinewy calves. fleeting stares. thats the essence of it all, right?
i took a bus today. it passed by your house. couldnt help but stare. at the something thats never there.
omg i lost 3 kg. but now im putting them back on again. -coughs.
so this brings the total expenditure on my monthly tution fees to : $1000.
okays, in a nutshell,
allowances: do not count, "ask for more" is the motto whenever i finish spending. [but i try not to spend too much okay, despite wot everyone says] $80-$100/wk
extra accessories[i.e weekly shopping]: $300
handphone bill: [on good months] $100
books: $50
cds: $20 [exactly one]
magazines: $30
taxi: $25 max i swear
thats..about it. REALLY. at someone's request.
its pretty costly to keep a kid these days.
to * xmq.
gawd. i've missed you. truly, wholly, deeply, wotever-ly.
i used to spend my e-v-e-r-y waking moment wit you.
remember it got to a point when we were incredibly sick of each other?
then we decided to take a FEW days break just to "get away"?
and remember how it didnt work? -tight smile.
i've missed those times, ya know.
despite all the stuffs i've said, you've said, everyone've said.
you're the ONLY one i could really talk to, just kept talkin, for the entire night.
its pretty silly, huh? thinkin bout it now?
we'd spend from 630am to 10pm together and then still talk wayy into the night.
sigh. i guess it was our inexorable search for dominance and independence, coupled with the fact that we're both very, very, very hot-headed and stubborn. hard to get along. but when we do, its pure fun. :)) truthfully speaking, i DO NOT want to go down this road. i was prepared to go the distance. do wotever it takes. may take. because i knew no one else could make me this happy.
i guess we just stopped being each other's world for a moment.
i can deal with that.
in fact, i think i kinda like it.
feeling strange? well, join the club.
i think its 9:12 PM now
Monday, March 08, 2004
i bought a DRUM shirt!!!!! ooooh. wayyyy cool. am gonna be sleepin innit tonight!!! i think its 11:03 PM now
yay??
i think its 10:00 PM now
suddenly, i find myself with so much things to do. among them, more time to myself being the most important. ive been rushing here, there, everywhere. i dont have the time to just flop down on my bed, put some records on, stare vacantly into space, not feeling blase or wound up or wotever i'm feeling these days. i should really get some rest.
but there's still a million things to do.
like, pointedly i've realised, goony's bday to celebrate[big bomb in my pocket], meeting up with the ZOO people, spending more time with mom and dadddie, find Rach at her working place, spending more quality time with Ruth and Heather, watch the many, many, many DVDs, reply all the people that have msged me in the past week properly, and to which this point i havent mentioned anything about "school work". SCORE. oh yes, more time to myself. have i not yet mentioned that?
i know the reason why i totally dig watching movies. hmmm. :)
i've successfully watched movies for 4 consecutive days. yayyyy.
caught Haunted Mansion with Max yesterday [total grouge fest], and HONEYYYY today!!!! okay, critic time: 3.5 nachos and cheese! [according to the kim-o-meter]
Jessica Alba's undoubtedly HOT, and i mean really HOT, [the sole reason why van's turning LES], but besides for that very important fact, the rest was a dud. a B-grade movie dud. major yawn fest.
anyway. im back. alive and kickin. though very, very, very whacked, but still kickin. :)
i think its 9:35 PM now
Sunday, March 07, 2004
if there's one thing i could go back in time for, it would be to hold you tighter, knowing thats the last time i'll hold you; kiss you stronger, if i could never kiss you again; feeling your heartbeat against mine, memorizing your face, knowing it could be the last time i can look at you that way.
if there's one thing i could go back in time for, it would be to say "I love you. Stay." instead of, "take care. goodbye."
i feel so small.
i think its 1:03 AM now
it always comes around
back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it's too late
over you
I'm never over
over you
something about you
It's just the way you move
the way you move me
I'm
and I quit every game I've played
but forgive me love
I can't turn and walk away
back to you
it always comes around
back to you
I walk with your shadow
I'm sleeping in my bed
with your silhouette
should have smiled in that picture
if it's the last that I'll see of you
it's the least that you could not do
oh I will
leave the light on
I'll never give up on you
leave the light on
for me too
back to me
I know that it comes
back to me
doesn't it scare you
your will is not as strong
as it used to be
doesn't it scare you, doesn't it piss you off
I'm weaker than you know
I'm swimming in a sea of faces
trying to find my way to you
but it's no use, in a crowded room
where everybody wants you
i think its 12:37 AM now
wots up with THEM and such gaming..thingamajig??? -rolls eyes.
i've only slept 2 hrs in 36 hrs, had a horrible, horrible, biology paper, sat thru an entire movie coughing the daylights [and lungs] outta me, chatting to 6 highly-responsive people on msn, and here i am, not giving my two cents worth bout anything.
close my eyes. and rest of the world drops dead. while i wasnt watching.
i think i know a few caesars of my own. colossal, infallible, mighty. or so they think? it's funny how percieved might comes in the tiniest packages.
i think its 12:02 AM now
Saturday, March 06, 2004
The sun is shinin' everyday
Clouds never get in the way for you and me
I've known you just a week or two
But baby I'm so into you
Can hardly breathe
And I'm in so totally
Wrapped up emotionally
Attracted so physically
Actin' so recklessly
I need you so desperately
Sure as the sky is blue
Baby, I love you, I love you
I never knew that I could feel like this
Can hardly wait till our next kiss
You're so cool
If I'm dreaming please don't wake me up
Cause baby I can't get enough
Of what you do
And I'm in so electrically
Charged up kinetically
Actin' erratically
Need you fanatically
You get to me magically
Sure as the sky is blue
Baby, I love you
I can't believe that this is real,
the way I feel
Baby I'm gone head over heals
And I'm in so totally
Wrapped up emotionally
Attracted so physically
Actin' so recklessly
I need you so desperately
Sure as the sky is blue
And I'm in so electrically
Charged up kinetically
Actin' eratically
Need you fanatically
You get to me magically
Sure as the sky is blue
Baby, I love you
Baby, I love you
Do you love me too
Baby, I love you
i think its 11:51 PM now
The Butterfly Effect is one such show.
if you haven't yet caught it.. i suggest you put down wotever it is you're doing, pick up your favourite jacket and socks, load up on some chips and coke, drive to the nearest cinema, and WATCH IT.
move over, lame-8-days-critics!! if you want digs for the show, ASK ME.
okay, cheese, van and i are Officially Knighted As Movie Mates.
twas supposed to be me van and moony ONLY but.. well. some people TOO busy yea?
my mom bought a new DVD today!! yayyyy :)
anyways. they were reading my msgs in my inbox today [wots new?] then they saw and old msg that i kept, from 'marm', saying "i Love you Darling"
okays. now thats realllly embarassing. -hides face.
did i mention it? GO WATCH BUTTERFLY EFFECT.
and it really doesnt hurt that Ashton Kutcher's at his cutest. no, Demi Moore has to be NOwhere in sight.
i think its 11:28 PM now
Thursday, March 04, 2004
seriously, if i didnt know my parents, i would think they're treating me like royalty.
i dont wanta be treated like royalty !! i mean, there's no denying i would like to bask in the attention for a while. but sometimes it gets really tiring trying to be the perfect daughter.
and whatever i ask, they give. it makes me feel like i dont have to strive for everything. but believe me, i do. i do. its just all comes to you, ya know? easily. like i totally deserve it. which i dont. i really really dont. in fact, i think i dont deserve anything. i go out way too often. when they call me and ask hom im doin and stuff, i'd just be "Yeah, Okay, Fine.. Yes No" monosyllabic answers. i mean, its time they realised money cant but anything. [but it got them alot closer.] i'd rather not have everything i have, want, need. and have more time together. which is why Sundays are highly important to me. so dont ruin it, whoever you are.
i wish i would care less. like when i see an old beggar on the streets, i dont have to feel bad or anything. or when i rush home, just to find it empty. in more ways than one, i like it. because having my mom at home's like having my friend over. ITS SO HARD TO STUDY !! and it all goes back to that vicious little circle. maybe i should study abroad.
well, i guess you're different from all the other guys i've ever known.
unassuming. quiet. submissive. gentle. nonono not sissy. reallly.
THAT is what sets you apart. :)
if God allowed me to undo one anything, i would go back to that very day 4 years ago and asked you to stay.
*here i stand alone,
with this weight upon my heart
and it will not go away
in my head i keep on looking back
right back to the start
wondering what it was that made you change
well i tried but i had to draw the line
and still this question keeps on spinning in my mind
what if i had never let you go?
would you be the person i used to know?
if i stayed if you tried
if we could only took that time
but i guess we'll never know..
*many roads to take
some took joy
some took heartache
anyone can lose their way
and if i said that we could turn it back
right back to the start
would you take a chance and make a change?
do you think how it could been sometimes?
do you pray that i never left your side?
if only we could turn the hands of time
if i take you back
would you still be mine?
i think its 7:45 PM now
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
babyyy thinkin of you keeps me up all nigHTT. yeahh.
i wish i could stop making you feel this way.
you are my summer breeze
my winter sun
my spring-time soul
my autumn touch of gold..
its official. i haven stepped out of the house in 48 hrs.
oh god i'm getting ____phobic.
i really, really, really wanna puke.
i think its 3:26 PM now
i think its 3:24 PM now
i think its 3:24 PM now
i think its 3:17 PM now
i think its 3:17 PM now
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
i think i'm getting increasingly bored and figedty because
a) i have too much time on my hands
b) i have, in the process of 2 days into my mc, completed AN ENTIRE BLOG HTML
c) i have succesfully arranged the pots and plants in my house in concentric circles
d) i have opened all the condensed-milk tins in my fridge and poured them into equal milkmaid containers, much to the irritation of my skinny maid.
e) same goes to the UIC sugar packets.
so its either i've gotta start drinking ALOT of milo, or all the stuffs i've opened will go bad. hmmm.
okay. this is driving me stir crazy. Dear Mother Lord, i DO NOT HATE SCHOOL.
i swear from now on i'll be a good girl and not skip school EVER AGAIN.
i miss school.
i miss V46.
i miss the library [where me chun & van spend most of our lectures gossiping and bitching]
i miss van
i miss moony
i miss chun
i miss ting
i miss cheese
i miss opening my pencil box
i miss sitting down during lectures and actually listening
i miss class table, no matter how darn far and out of the away from the canteen it is
i miss my wanton mee
i miss my strawberry jelly
i miss how van use to crack us up by cracking herself up
i miss moony's snorts
i miss chun mumbling silently to herself
i miss cheese's whips [HA]
i miss Miss Oon....NOT.
thats a whole lot of stuff i miss.
so its confirmed then. i have Bronchitis.
i thought it only infects those old ahpeks who smoke too much;
or those olden-days teachers who taught in front of the dusty blackboards.
i even checked the term up in my Campbell Biology book.
too terrifying to even think wot the wheezing sound in chest means.
and for the LAST time, vanessa pong, stop feeling bad about passing Kellyn's Syndrome to me !
silly.
just
SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME SHOOT ME
please.
i think its 12:16 PM now
Monday, March 01, 2004
had another jab again today. okay, im really starting to get used to the needle already.. my doctor looks uncannily like Professor McGonagall! oh god. i might just start going to the docs more often now!
are all doctors money-suckers? my total medical fee is $300++ already!
think about all the stuffs i can buy with that! ok nvm.
so far these few days have been pure hell. TRUST ME ON THAT. i feel the life gradually being sucked out of me.. but my aunties are just the best thing.
they all came by, brought highly yummy food and some not-so-highly-yummy herbs.
and to those who msged and asked me if i'm okay.. :* -awards a sweet set to you-
to those who didnt.. well, PISS OFF i dont care anyway. HAHAHA
i think its 11:03 PM now
i think its 9:16 PM now
Kim