Saturday, January 31, 2004
i dont know if this signals the end of my life, or the beginning of many falls to come.
"i realise it doesnt matter what i do, or how i do it. because all that matters is you. you've made me happier than i ever thought i could be. And if you give me the chance, i'll spend the rest of my life making you feel the same way i do."
its exceptionally hard not having you here with me. its even harder when i know you have absolutely no idea.
of the people i lost all these years, to my pride, my stubborness, and my ailing sense of judgement. i dont know why but i miss you the most.
Tell me do you think it'd be all right
if I could just crash here tonight
You can see I'm in no shape for driving
and anyway I've got no place to go
and you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I ever had
f I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might not be alone
i think its 11:30 PM now
Saturday, January 24, 2004
and today, as i mark the final taping of one of tv history's most celebrated comedy, FRIENDS, i try not to let my emotions get the better of me. i've grown attached to the 6 people, who come together every week and make America, -- and the rest of the world -- laugh, than i ever wanted to be. being the faithful and ardent fan that i am, i abstained myself from downloading the 10th season episodes from the Internet, primarily to pacify myself and prolong the ending of my favourite tv show.
i dont think it would be this easy, walking away.
ugh, i sound so grave. :|
--
i'm not really lunar but.. HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR ANYWAY!!
third day into cny already and i refuse to unfurl and start doing my mountain-high load of work.
just came back from yet another gambling session over at my grandma's place. the bets are small, but its highly exciting having so much power in your hands!
this year's angbao collection's great. no, not the money. but the words on the angbao itself. :)
anyway, last night, was with my mom's friends. all guys. we were playing backjack, and their stakes are like, $200 to $500! and they dont so much as bat an eyelid. if not so, they must have brilliant facial skills.
and i will wake up tomorrow, feeling like i can never miss you more.
and then, i will miss you just a little bit more.
i think its 11:37 PM now
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
i think the sole reason why i like 80s music so much is due to the fact that i cannot, and would not, appreciate bubblegum pop. call me a stuck-in-the-rut romantic sap, but i could never do a night without first listening to my collection of oldies.
and as the entire cast of Friends weep, i weep along with them.
the final season is drawing to a end, with only 2 more live audiences to go.
i can only shudder, to imagine my life without my daily doses of the hit TV series. GAH.
had reunion dinner with jan and them at audrey's house on monday.. steamboat! was delicious i tell ya. twas great. meeting up with them again. you know, seems as if no one's around anymore.
and it was steamboat at marina south with my class [and junior class] last night! and i truly have to thank a certain motherly figure here. van & moony! for all the butter splashes and oily faces, you guys endured the front line like no other! thanks for all the sotong balls, fried toufu and hotdogs. whilst i sat down happily, sipping my sparkling juice, acting all bimbotic and whiney. HA!
okay, have gotta go some lunch thing now. and Bali Thai tonight! yea!
and oh, did i mention? im falling in love with pool. all over again. =)
i think its 10:47 AM now
Monday, January 19, 2004
im finding it harder and harder to bring myself to admit. the hold you've got over me i can never get enough.
so far the year's been turning out great. have 4 reunion dinners this week. and my meals consist of pineapple tarts and almond cookies. washed down with white wine. weird combination but well, it tastes like heaven. only better.
this year, i would like to:
1) be less temperamental
2) be more sensitive. or less insensitive, whatever.
3) be less spoilt.
4) play harder. am forced to say this, study harder.
5) go back to USA
6) buy a New York apartment [preferably in the Upper West End area]
7) be less obsessive over my inability to control my gastronomic routines [okay, diet]
8) buy more rock n roll records
9) not hang up on people
10) get my driving license
11) stop practising fascism
12) be more polite, more generous, more selfless etc
13) as for now.. GET MORE ANGBAO!
that pretty much sums up my year.
once i get past the looks, you're okay. i guess.
was reading some mags just now and i was digging into some grapes in a bowl, you know, put hand in bowl, lift one grape out, put grape into mouth, bring hand into bowl, repeat, never once my eyes wavered. then suddenly, after the comfortable repetitions, my hand reached into the bowl and couldnt seem to grasp any grape.
i dont know if this has to do with anything, but it made me kinda sad.
i think its 2:19 PM now
Thursday, January 15, 2004
am seriously ought to be catching up with my much-due hw and uncopied notes from last yr. but i dont know why, i'm forever finding some reason or other to push it back a little.
Like, oh! i forgot to trim my nails.. whoops, bed undone. i'm hungry!
is this how it's supposed to be like?
my body's like, aching in a gazillion places i didnt know it could ache.
had a weird dream last night. really, really weird. i woke up and thought it really did happen. this is bad. messes up my mind and screws up my sleeping time.
lately, i seem to float and whimper through my day. people keep harping on the fact that CNY's coming up and all that, but i just cant hype myself up enough to clean my bedroom, put up some red stuffs, and take down my Sex Pistols & Coldplay posters. listening to some CNY songs with alot of 'dong dong dong dong chiang!' does not help.
i know i'm losing the battle.
but at least i've won the fight.
i think its 10:58 AM now
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
i have not been blogging much, yes? i'm so preoccupied with sch and F.R.I.E.N.D.S [mom bought the entire series from 1 to 9 for me!] that i hardly have time for anything else.
i swear, im gonna die, if i dont have my daily dose of FRIENDS before i sleep.
i ran 6 km today!! this is just about the furthest i can get before i drop dead and puke the entire contents of my lungs out. ulgerrrhhh.
was with them at parkway today when me and van went food tasting at Bengawan [spell] Solo. i bought an almond cookie tin on impulse and, again, on impulse, i've walloped 15 pieces before training. am never, ever gonna do that again. -raises four fingers up in scouts honour-
you'd hope i'll become the person you've always wanted me to be.
but then you're never around enough to realise i'm much more than i could ever be. much more than you've always wanted me to be. wots the point in that? huh.
i like to run away the pain. this entire wk, i've been running like nobody's business, like i'm running for Terry Fox. now i know wots "runners high". the euphoria you'd get pales anything and everything else in comparison.
and i lie in bed every night, staring at the ceiling, wondering where it all begins and ends. and then it smacks me, smacks the wind right off me.
ive lost you far too long ago to even realise i'm still me, that you've always been the one waiting.
its not that i cant. i dont want.
i think its 10:29 PM now
Thursday, January 08, 2004
and if you kiss me now, i know you'd fool me again.
its hard to put a finger on the exact reason of my ineptitude towards feelings and such.
maybe its because of the increasingly HOT weather which made me very irritable and completely devoid of emotions. or maybe because i face an empty home all the time. and get incredibly disillusioned that retail therapy might heal me. thereafter get upset over my a-little-more-than-indulging expenditure.
i hate it when i have that fantastic urge to scream at the top of my voice, round around my house stark naked and slap a few undeserving people.
ARGHHH.
for the sake of god, sod off.
i truly have no idea wot i want in life. this, that, no? ive become this articulate and picky person, i really do feel like flinging her out of my system. you know, flush out the baddies. its like half the time we're in my head, bickering.
no, i dont want to go school.
yes you must you must you must. its year 2 already, remember?
OR
hmm shall i have sandwich for dinner? or noodles?
No skip dinner altogether, you're too fat!
At COLD STORAGE
should i get the tuna? or the ham?
the tuna. less fattening.
ham's nicer.
no, tuna.
ham.
TUNA!!
i end up walking up and down the aisle [pardon the pun], ham or tuna?
life's decisions. bahbye.
i think its 8:28 PM now
Thursday, January 01, 2004
while people ushered in the new year with a bang, i ushered in mine with TWO BANGS. first, i crashed into a newbie while blading. then, the car i was in bumped, to put it lightly, into another 'L' driver. -rolls eyes-
the past year has truly been a helluva ride. got into a smelly jc, made extraordinary friends, said goodbye to them, had my heart broken, said hello to uniform-looks-great! jc, made more friends, who, very gallantly, picked up my broken heart and made it one of the best hearts anyone could ever have.
with everyone around me making resolutions like "i must lose more weight', or "i must pass all my tests", worse still "i need a richer boyf", i shall stick with my prennial inner voice: "laugh more", regardless how sappy that sounds.
and oh, to top that list? "drink less alcohol, vodka, booze, tequila.."
forgive me for being the hopeless romantic that i am, but i think new year's eve should be filled with love, roses, and red wine, no ?
however, the new yr eve that i spent couldnt be more gratifying. for the simple fact that we played Pictionary until the early morning, and got incredibly drunk during the process.
bring on the Bailey's and Booze!! for it is never enough.
happy new year! to those who gives a shit.
i think its 7:01 PM now
i think its 12:32 PM now
Kim