Sunday, September 28, 2003

CLUEDO is positively evil!! -growls-
spent the better part of my night last night lying, cheating, laughing my ass off, brain-whacking, more cheating!
kudos to Ken for teaching me!! thou you were never a good conversationalist.

rach has got a new samsung camera phone! BAH. i want one too.
that's just another addition to my wish list.
for now, its just for time to fly by.
12 more days. GOD! let it be quick.

mum's bday this wed. hmm. what on EARTH am i supposed to get for her?!
she's been hinting furiously the past month.
slave driver, i tell you, that woman. ha!
THAT breadmaker?
Lingerie she likes soo much at taka?
the cutesy porcelain frog sprouting water? for her toilet?
a new comforter?
Soo Kee indish earings?
Morgan skirt?
new yoga pants from Guess?
Gucci bag?
oh well, she'll be recieving so many stuffs from her suitors she wont even need one from me. better conspire with some of them.
so i wont have to pay so much.
sounds like a plan?

i think its 6:31 PM now

Saturday, September 27, 2003

xi hate youx

I hate the way you talk to me,
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car,
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots,
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,
It even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right,
I hate it when you lie.
I hate the way you make me laugh,
Even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around,
And the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.
i hate the way you don't see me
i hate it when you don't care
i hate it when i'm lonely
all 'cos you're not there

i hate the way you disappear
i hate the way you see things clear
i hate the way you lie to me
and how i forgive you that easily

i hate the way you touch me deep
i hate it more when you sleep
i hate the way you smile at him
the way i still turn limp

i hate it more when you cry
hate so much i rather die
i hate it cos i can't see
hate it cos i can't let you be

i hate you pushing me away
the times when its only day
i hate when you apologise
i hate the way you make things nice

i hate the way i am beggared
i hate the fact that you don't know
i hate the way i write this ballad
i hate the times you always go

i hate the way you laugh
i hate it cos its not real
i hate the way you love your craft
i hate the way you make me feel

i hate the way i go crazy
i hate the way she calls you baby
i hate me for being me
i hate the way despite it all,
when i still love you.

ripped this from nat.

i think its 1:45 PM now

tequila sunrise

uploaded new photos of US.

i didnt realise i would be how i am today.
looking forward to the next day
loving "my girls" to bits. and pieces.
[damn. one cool bunch they are. -hugs tight-
if you guys are reading this, (i know you probably are!)
hi! -waves arm- you made life worth living.]
i didnt realise i COULD be nonchalant to your well-being.
that hearing your name roll of someone else's tongue would bring no hard feelings to me.
and i'd thought i couldnt carry on. not without you here.
yes, you may be everywhere i go but the incessant ache has receded into a throbbing lull at the back of my head.
you're just not there anymore.

maybe one day you'd realise i've given more than i could ever recieve.
maybe one day you'd see how all these boils down to the fact that you just couldnt care less. and i couldnt care more.
and maybe one day you'd finally know that i cant be waiting for you endlessly. and start thinking about the what could have beens.
then, it'd hit you like a tonne of bricks. that its too late.
i'm not the same person you once knew.
that girl left her heart beside you, all the while willing you to turn around and just try. you didnt.
and so she left. leaving behind a trailing blaze of heat and fury.

you can tell me anything. just dont tell me you need me.
that i cant take.

i think its 1:00 AM now

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

every night i whisper your name at the top of my lungs

i HAD to turn on the radio and hear that song come on.
funny how a song can apparte you back to the time when you kept listening to it.
must be the blood-replenishing pills i'm taking.

i can almost see my biology notes frantically waving their tiny arms at me.
READ ME! PLEASE! ME! ME! ME!
and i could almost hear their collective groan when i swooshed up Harry Potter instead.
so. i have to apologise here.
DNA & Protein Synthesis : Bloody Sorry.
Transport In Mammals : Sorry sorry.
Genetics : Bloody bloody sorry.
Plants : i'm SO not sorry. sorry anyway.

something tells me i ought to shut myself out from everyone.
before i start pulling everyone's hair out.
its gnawing at my edges, fogging my memory and toying with my emotions.
yes, thats what you've done to me.
you dont realise it do you?
you've always thought i couldnt care less.
well, NOW i'm not caring whether you think i care or not.
i dont mean to go cringy on you or anything but, hello?
reality check. you're the one who had problems dealing wit this load of garb.
if i dont stop you, who else can?
so stop dropping your fucking flecks of shit on me.

i think its 10:43 PM now

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Harry Potter, and the addiction of.

what went on behind that closed door is beyond your wildest imagination.
literally had to keep myself from yelping at the top of my voice,
considering the thin walls and the frightful people outside awaiting their 'verdict'. cuz if i did, it might give them the impression that whoever walks into that door would suffer the same horrible fate as me.
which, they probably did.
it doesnt mean that YOU've done that a billion times a day automatically gives you a right to assume that you're professional and experienced and make everything seem so easy and.. harmless.
subtle, that wasnt really her forte.

she pressed, rubbed, sucked, twisted, and cracked.
my bones, that is. apparently, my slipdisk dropped and my right leg is longer than my left leg. by a good inch, mind you.
for those gits out there, the slipdisk is a thingamajig that holds your backbone.
or at least i think it is.
quite had to hold myself together when i saw my right leg jutting precariously out. the next thing i thought was, oh my god, sit and reach how?!

clearly, i didnt had to bother because the searing pain invaded my entire body
and the next thing i knew was being slumped against the rock hard operation table.
now, everything i do, my back is ram-rod straight. like those stiff yoga instuctors. oh well.

the anxiety of having the promos so DARN near have yet to sink into me.
or else i wouldnt be here?
ahh yes. which reminds me. back to harry potter.

REALLY WANT:
a) quicksilver/mambo/roxy/nike pullover
b) more time
c) THAT mambo bag
d) a new water bottle [preferably not plastic]
e) Micheal Buble's newest CD
f) more time [or did i mention that already?]
g) some adidas sox. or nike. or quiksilver.
h) Medical Certificates.

i think its 8:59 PM now

Sunday, September 21, 2003

giant soapsuds

i cant sit here and write this and pretend nothing has happened. cos something just did.
it went and ruined all our lives which have been pretty peaceful and unbumped.
horrifying, to say the least. i couldnt stop biting my nails.
how do you deal, in times like this? i've sworn i could have cried.
but no, you displayed an amazing sense of tranquility. unruffled, even.

stop staring, you bloody gits. do you seriously derive immense pleasure from other people's sufferings?
does it irk you that even a boy's mental range is wider than your pea-sized intellect? oh right. sorry if i was being politically incorrect.
do i care? anymore?

one of my greatest fears is not having you here with me.
mum. much love going out to you tonight.
for steeling us all and being a tad hot-headed.
to YOU, little boy, whatever your name is.
i pray you're all right.

i think its 6:23 PM now

Friday, September 19, 2003

if i told you this was killing me , would you stop?

practicals are just.. not practical. at all.
physics practical tml. really.
do we look like we care if the bob takes how many seconds to make an oscillation?
wth.
rewind to yday. moon's muffins was.. yummyyylicious.
totally. [okok, stop glaring at me already. i said i'd thank you here, didnt i?]

i have to stop my compulsive taxi-taking.
i spend half my allowances on taxis!
taxis to sch [cos i chose to have an hour's more of beauty sleep]
taxis to wherever i'm going aft sch [i'm late!]
taxis home [i'm tired..]
taxis to training [so i wont tire myself out first]
taxis back home. [i'm too whacked out to consider any alternative]
freakish. i remember seeing the same uncle two times.

and i thought i knew you.
wouldnt be, would it? to hope this might change you?
looked at you, turned away, then turned back again.
and found you slowly walking away..
is it so hard?

the night is merciless. its beating down on my lonely soul.
wraped up in work, i try pushing you out of my thoughts.
i've become someone whom you'd hate to love. i tried resisting the change. to remain the person you knew all along.

i remember you telling me that all i had to do was sit around and wait.
but i didnt. you, forever gone, scares the hell out of me.
but what scares me more is that i see some truth in what you just said.

your voice resonating at the back of my head.
till it becomes odious to me.

i'm sick of the same ol' 'how have you been's.
yes. you've murdered me from afar.

i think its 10:28 PM now

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

watching you watch over me .

am a happy twit!
moon's bringing muffins tml!!
LIKE finally? that lazy eegit.
hope i don't lao after eating it again
or i'll just have to apply more aloe vera.
[eeks. sorry. overshare!]

for some reason, chun had to choose during GP to announce her
most hilarious statement to date.
that Harry Potter is actually a devout Muslim.
and Dumbledore is a Taleban.
lol!? tickled my funny bone throughout the entire lesson.
was still guffawing to myself on the bus.
UGH!! that silly twit.

to. you.
which part of "i love you" did you not understand?

i think its 10:49 PM now

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

i'm a dick, addicted to you

lol. Remember to water the plants?!
oh yes. i'm deeply infatuated with them. uh-huh.
tsk.
stayed at home today cuz i planned to clear my work.
you guessed it.
TRIED doing some maths.
really. really did try.
ended up watching the "Stripped and Justified" tour,
endless re-runs of F.R.I.E.N.D.S, mtv's top 20 and
some B-grade movie by Penelope Cruz.
yawn.

i think its 4:51 PM now

was i wrong to assume you were waiting for me?

Pirates of the Caribbean!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

is Johnny Depp swoon-ish or what?!
was completely, aboslutely, totally cute in Pirates.
have got another Bigger reason to smile today.
mum just said she's gonna give me $40 Sushi Tei AND $90 Marche voucher.
plus $100 Istetan cash money.
yoohoo!
seriously, my appetite's expanding at an alarming rate.

aint going to sch tml.
tummy's making its usual protest again.
i've got an MC, so might as well.
besides, i could do some useful stuffs during that few hours
which, by going to school, would have been devoted to unprofitable bordeom.

like, reading Harry Potter, for starters.
meiyue and van still refuse to tell me the website for HP fan fiction.
well, better that way.
otherwise no Removable Charm would be able to save me then.

i think its 12:01 AM now

Sunday, September 14, 2003

turnaround, bright eyes

Every now and then I know you'll never be the boy you always wanted to be
But every now and then I know you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Every now and then I know there's no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
Every now and then I know there's nothing any better and there's nothing I just wouldn't do

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler

man, i love this song. its so.. sad.
its time of the month again.
not that time of the month.
but the time of the month when i'm religiously plagued
by.. you. thoughts of you.

hippo! black bird! if you're reading this.
-waves-
seriously. i know we've been saying this for months.
but i really wish we're in the same class!
miss you like crazy.
i just ain' the same no more..

how do you move on, really?
i mean, what constitutes moving on?
not thinking bout that person or having a twinge of sadness
everytime his/her name rolls off someone's tongue?
does moving on mean you've found someone new?
like when you hear some sad song
it doesnt remind you of him/her?
not like raging fever in your head,
a burrowing hole in your chest?

Tell me. Enlighten me.
i need to know.

your silence is the worst weapon. it cuts limbs off my soul.

i think its 2:08 PM now

Saturday, September 13, 2003

black bird wrote a 'love letter' on starbucks napkin today.
am gonna keep it and place it at my 'favourite stuffs' corner.
which, among them are stuffs like:
a) harry potter collection
b) my US mags
c) THAT jigsaw puzzle
d) an innocent looking wooden box that keeps all my letters (ha!)
e) minature drum set and electrik guitar
f) Blink 182, Hanson, Goo Goo Dolls, Moffatts CD
g) Gucci Rush Summer
h) rhino photo album
i) slurpy, muffin, boonsie (they're bears and dogs)
j) badminton racket etc

oops, its overflowing.
anyways, hippo & friends are going to tao nan camp too!!
we squealed when we found out.

horrible pract today.
my labels on the test tube all conveniently
FLOATED to the bottom of the water bath.

enough said.

i think its 8:51 PM now

Friday, September 12, 2003

finally. have the solitude of the house to myself.
not that i mind. but the silence is blaring.
i. need. to. start. studying. pronto.
going to catch Pirates of the Carribean tonight!!
-shrieks-
cant hardly wait.
[reminder to self : bring secret stash of Lays and caramel chips.]

the thought of bio pract tml makes me wanna hurl.

yay!! am gonna meet hippo and friends tml.
i miss them like hell!!

i think its 6:28 PM now

am really trying my best not to look at the harry potter book sitting smugly on my desk.
my appetite's really expanding at an alarming rate.
pigging out. yeah, thats my forte.
spent an atrocious amount on food, taxi, magazines, cds, more TAXI.
i'm contributing much to TIBS, i think.
ever since last yr, when van and i kept taking taxi home.
gets stuck. food. ahh yes.
i'm hungry.

a lifetime would not be enough to tell you half the things i want to tell you.

i think its 12:25 AM now

Thursday, September 11, 2003

dance. like nobody's watching .

Here I am, not knowing where I stand
Here I am, looking for a place to land
My heart in the palm of her hand
A boy dying to be her man
Between tomorrow and yesterday
what I really want to say
Is I'm falling for something about her
She is to me, the rainbow through the rain
She is to me, the laughter through the pain
She is living in my dreams
She is a vision in it seems
That I'm falling for something about her.

Something about her. By Ryan Sutter.
He is so sweet.

i think its 11:57 PM now

uploaded some photos. under reminiscence. to your left, dodo bird.

i think its 12:24 AM now

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

flung dreams , a little deranged

after forever. you still have that effect on me.
you still made me shaky.
you still made my palms sweaty.
you still made me light-headed when you're around.
feels like i'm losing ground.
dont ever do that again.
dont make me breathless.
i know better when its not for real.
dont look at me and tell me otherwise.
you'd be lying.

i think its 11:31 PM now

bintan-ed .

exhausted is an understatement to describe the past few days.
bintan's cool. ultra.
realised i love the beach and watersports more than anything else in this world.
banana boat! 10 of us piled on top of it and went cruising at top speed around the island.
jetskiing!! although Ken was slightly petrified. still. gorgeous.

the weather was infinitely kind on us.
although without doubt, i was the only one sunburnt. badly.
again??
i love having them around. 26 of us!! 9 rooms?!
neat.

i really dont want this to end.
just let it go on and on forever.
that way i wouldnt have to face you now. like this.

am late. gotta meet goony-milk in an hour's time.
kinda looking forward to be at the airport. studying.
hiking down memory lane huh.

take me away. to the place where the sea meets the sky. when we're both sun-kissed and dreamy. stay there forever.

i think its 12:21 PM now

Friday, September 05, 2003

social butterfly .

social butterfly .

am with vanessa at the comp lab..
skipped maths lect to complete our bio DNA assignment.
or at least TRY to.
totally clueless.
she's dumbly flipping thru the soper series and acting.. dumb.
as usual. oh bugger.
complete IT idiots, the both of us.

why cant local drama series be as good as american ones?
well, except for zhen qing, which i was inexplicably infatuated with for quite a while,
[yes yes roll your eyes]
shows like Jerry Springer, Tonight Show with Jay Leno..
why didnt they make their way to spore?!

hell. my work's piling up like crazy.
if i dont get started, i might just start skipping sch again to finish them.
WHICH will allow Miss Oon to have a 'sorry to disturb you' talk with my mum.
-frowns-

take this heart of mine and make it better .

i think its 5:26 PM now

Thursday, September 04, 2003

i'm in those lock-up-in-your-room-and-listen-to-sad-songs kinda mood.
i used to like head-thumping, wall-shaking, headache-inducing kind of music.
not really techno, [i HATE it],
but Hip-hop, Rap and R n B.
but for now. yup. sad songs it is.

just watched the Bachelor series.
wanted to start on my work but i HAD to on my tv
and HAD to see the show come on.
oh well. there're always more time, isint there?
anyways, i was watching the Aaron and Helene Tell All series.
i mean, whats with saying how you really feel in front on national tv?!
dont they feel, if not reserved, then the least bit shy!?
but, got me hooked, they did.
i'm a sucker for reality tv shows.
totally. you name it, i've watched it.
Bachelor, Bachelorette, Amazing Race, Fear Factor,
Punk'd [this's my fav]
even down to Making the Band!?
oh yes, american idol.

Like Aaron said: " i'd be sitting here lying if i said i dont love you anymore."
aww.

imbeciles like you really get to me.
just live your life and dont cross over to mine, all right?

i think its 11:47 PM now

x delirious fever

am still up at such an ungodly hour.
considering my bed time's at 11 plus 12?
chemistry test's tomorrow.
have i yet started?
yes, i have. just a mere bit.
i hate it, this time of the year.
everyone's either doing tutorials, 10 yr series, reading notes
OR ______ [insert whichever mugger duty here].

if i close my eyes i know it'll all go away.
i can pretend everything's fine, no, you're not away, you'll just be there whenever i call. but, reality always thrusts its ugly head.
you've changed, i've changed.
i'd give anything to go back in time.
anything. except the victory i've just achieved.
in not letting the thoughts of you linger on the fringes of my mind.
i'm almost there.

with the sounds of Bruce Springstein blaring in my room, nothing else can bring me down.
yes. not even you.
so dont try.

i miss you guys an AWFUL lot.
hippo, egyptian (thou i see you in sch everyday, still.)
black sprout tree. (you-know-who-you-are!)
qing ren!! -grumbles-
i need you around. :(

i think its 12:57 AM now

Monday, September 01, 2003

nothing cheers me up more than a little, harmless retail therapy.
got a feather pillow from taka (which really makes me wanna go slp now)
and a pencil box, ripcurL! and Gucci perfume.
Ha, the last bit is hilarious. you know why!

went orchard today with none other than the funny-bird, my mum!!
had to rush back for a 'family party'.
there's nothing i like more than being with the people i love most.
Rachel, Mark, Pinky, Ruth, Maxine, Ken and Ryan.
you guys crack me up.
esp mark. oh god, do you know he keeps his purple, dead, flaky skin from a bad fall in a lip blam container?! looks like beef jerky.
and Heather. even if THEY took the sun away, you'd still be shining.
for me.

goony milk and co always teases me about family gatherings and stuff.
well, nothing beats hanging out with them now.
especially now.
they're planning to go on a trip to Indra Mias in Bintan.
we're gonna have our own villa and pool.
how cool is that!?
really. i cant wait. i need to get out of this place.
soon.

i think its 12:21 AM now